I can’t snap snap snap my fingers, drum drum my hands on my leg, tap tap my toes toes click click my teeth with a yellow Ticonderoga

I can’t cluck cluck cluck my tongue off the roof of my mouth, or pretend whistle or bob bob my head to an internal song nor wiggle my ears to a good Klezmer tune or rap song

And

I can’t blink can’t blink SOS in Morse code as I did as a youngster

pretending that I was calling for help help help but I can silently say

“Help is on the way” as I’m waiting for the light to change so I can cross

the street and the walk sign comes on just as I say “way” and sometimes

I have to speed it up—Help is on the wayHelp is on the wayHelpisontheway

Help or adjust it while pretending that this is the only way that help is really onnnn  the   waaay.

But

After all these years I found the way to code my world so it’s detectable

by the only other person who’s been fighting his way past the soldiers

  guards   adjunct professors   Republicans  white supremacists  

Socialists  Scientologists   and the Frum Jews with their fur hats

being watched ever-so-closely by the never suspected Lutherans

When I scrunch my toes standing or sitting with one leg crossed over

the other or at attention or parade rest or pigeon-toed duck walking

skipping and skipping and   skipping’s such a lost art

no longer taught or utilized in middle or high school

Showing

The different meaning in each

meaning different in each

different meaning

Finally

After all these years having perfected the walking and scrunching

Or The running and scrunching sending scrunch signals to the others

belonging to   or in   or waiting to join the need for help club   

but unable to Show How the call for assistance or The ability to point

out the problem solution to just the One Person I’m trying to contact

which will keep me safe

Without the private police or higher-ranking meter maids and toll collectors picking up on it

And

with each test passed I’ll be Home Free and 3 Home Frees equals a Hotel

and I’ll be untouchable as long as I contain inward my self-satisfied look  

my fist pump   my heel clicks  knuckle cracking  and humming—out

loud  or worse yet  and more telling–silent-self-satisfying humming to

myself while keeping beat with my toe scrunching and ear wiggling.