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Yellow Mama 2015

December 15, 2015


I’ve had enough. How much can a person take? I’ll tell you how much, Use me for example, I can take a full side of beef, a case of King Crabs, two large bags of rolls still warm from the baker’s oven and the daily newspaper lying in front of the store.

I can and did take that except I forgot the newspaper I was so busy wrangling the side of beef into the trunk with my golf clubs and beach crap that I left it where it was thrown. It was when I left the trunk open and stooped to pick up the paper that the cop came around the corner and since he does this as part of his rounds five days a week I was out of place and out of bounds. I would’ve been gone and safe if I didn’t go back for the paper. Now I know why they say no one reads the paper anymore.

 I’m out of options. I have one phone call and I don’t want to waste it on my wife who’ll just throw my ineptitude up to me and it’s too early to call a lawyer so I think I’ll save it for when I really need it.

“Guard,” I call.

“What is it?”

“Can I have today’s paper to read?”

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