Mom's Birthday

-Hi Mom. How you doing?

-You’re late. I’ve been waiting an hour and thought you’d forgotten our lunch date.

-No way, Mom. Why didn’t you call me?

-Why didn’t you call me?

-Well, I’m late because of the accident on RT 95 and I didn’t call you because I always have to wait an extra hour for you once I’m here.

-That’s not true.

-Well I’m here now let’s go get some fine lunch.

-I’m not really hungry. I hate some cheese and crackers while I was waiting for you. She pursed her lips.

-I know you—you always have room for a lobster

-Well, I’ll have a claw at least.

-And you can take it home for dinner tonight.

-You know I don’t like leftovers.

-Tomorrow it’ll be a leftover. If you have it today it’s just like another course.

-You always have a comeback, don’t you? Your brother took me out last weekend for my birthday prime rib.

-That’s nice. He does that every year.

-What’s that supposed to mean?

-Nothing. You like prime rib and Marty takes you out every big occasion for a bone in prime rib.

-And he does it right on the day of whatever big event, like my birthday, not a week or two away.

-Would you want to go to two fancy restaurants the same day?

-That’s not the point.

-Mom, last week I was in Paris on business and called you to wish you a happy birthday.

-You didn’t send a card.

-I was going to but there was a post office strike.

-Can’t you be serious?

-If I was I would be Marty and not me. What did he bring you for a birthday gift? A Whitman’s Sampler again?

-He hasn’t done that since he was a kid. Don’t you let anything go?

-Reaching inside my jacket pocket I pull out a wrapped box. Do you want your gift now or after dinner while you’re having your cheesecake desert?

-Shouldn’t we be leaving? Don’t you have reservations?

-We’ll be fine. Did you hear from Diane?

-You know she doesn’t call me. She’ll send a card when one of you calls her and reminds her.

-Would you like me to call from here and you can talk to her after I remind her?

-No. then she won’t send a card because she’ll say she wished me a happy birthday on the phone.