Some Things Are Harder to Figure Out Than Others
What the Fiction Magazine 2012
December 27, 2014
I answered the knock on my door and it was my neighbor. "I'm you're neighbor, Al Barnes," he said and I've been picked to come and get you for the neighborhood association meeting.
"I'm not a joiner," I told Al Barnes and he said that it wasn't a request but a vote by the association that I come to the meeting now.
I told Barnes that I didn't know there was a neighborhood association and he said that's because no one offered up my name to join so there was no need for me to know.
"So why now?" I asked and Barnes said that I'd find out at the meeting and I said thank you but no thank you and closed the door while he stood on my stoop looking at me
He rang the bell and knocked on the door knocker a few more times but I just turned up the volume on the TV and ignored him. That night the first of the rocks came crashing through my window and the same happened for the next three nights.
I went to Barnes' house and said, "okay I'll go to your meeting," and he said, "I don't know what meeting you're talking about."
"Are you sure about that?" I asked him and he told me that he didn't have any idea what I was talking about. His wife, a woman I didn't know but who worked in my office, walked into the room and stood next to Barnes and he said to her, "Do you know what meeting he's talking about?" She shook her head no.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a Taser and shocked AlBarnes off his feet.
"A shock for every rock," I said and then walked over to the Mrs. and patted her on the ass and told her to remind him what I said and then I turned and left without waiting for a reply from either one.
At work the next day, Mrs.Barnes watched me from across the room and after most people had gone for lunch she walked over to me while I was at my desk, bent over and stuck her tongue in my ear. I spun around and looked at her. "Shocked you didn't I?" she asked, before walking away with a little extra wiggle heading into the supply room.
Naturally I got up and followed her and was shocked, to say the least, to see Al Barnes standing there, Taser in hand.