Stepping Up

Connotation Press 2016

The firehouse alarm went off, the church bells rang, some dogs barked and ran aimlessly and others cowered and then the rumbling started, the power went out, a sinkhole in my driveway took my new Prius and the neighbor next store whom I never met began screaming.

They’ve been saying our town’s on a fault line but Connecticut’s not known for earthquakes so no one in authority was prepared. The Governor was out campaigning in Iowa, our Mayor was on vacation in Boca and the Police Chief was at a police chief’s meeting in Orlando.

I held the largely ceremonial post of Disaster Relief Chairman so reporters and public officials showed up at my door, careful to walk around the sink hole. The brought me to the town hall and gave me the Mayor’s office and I called the Lt. Governor who was out with his daughter looking at colleges.

I finally got a hold of someone in Washington and requested the National Guard. They flew in helicopters to stop the looting and help the people who couldn’t get out of their homes or work.

Three days later, the Mayor, the Governor, the Lt. Governor and Police Chief showed up at my temporary office and accused me of formulating a coup. They had me arrested and hours later I made bail and the whole thing went national and viral. I, with the help of the National Guard, the local police the Eagle Scouts, the Girl Scouts and the Brownies had things in hand.

The gym was a temporary hostel, one of the three hospitals became our major medical center and the power began coming back day by day.

The authorities that had me arrested were interviewed and I refused to interview because I was too busy putting out fires. A Recall the Governor petition was rushed through and I was voted in as Governor without campaigning and had to leave my mattress store in my son’s hands.

The other officials were all booted out and an Eagle Scout became Mayor and two Brownies filled selectmen positions but the meeting hours had to be moved up due to their bedtimes.

Everything was going along fine that first year until Hurricane Harry hit and knocked out the power, flooded the streets and burst the dam. I was blamed for not being ready and was forced to resign along with the Eagle Scout and the Brownies.

The old regime was voted back in and my mattress store was blacklisted and we ended up moving and changing our names and I opened deli in a town with no other Jews but it was a hit and life is good.  We’ve made a lot of new friends and the other day I was visited by some town officials who wanted me to run for First Selectman. I should have said no.